I was never much for self talk. The idea of looking into the mirror and saying words of affirmation simply seemed silly to me. I never felt it would work. I really thought that you would have to have a high self-confidence and believe those things to begin with, in order for it to have any effect. In that case, why bother? If you believe it, why would you have to say it to yourself? And if you don’t believe those things, how is repeating those things compliments to yourself going to matter? I just didn’t buy it.
Fast forward years later to my self-makeover. I wanted to appear less frumpy and feel more attractive. It was all about the ME I want to SEE in the mirror. As I’m experimenting with clothes and makeup, I start getting compliments. I try to see what they see. I realize that in order for me to like what I see in the mirror, I need to find the good points. Soon, I started seeing what others saw. Flaws started to fade before my eyes, and what I like about myself started to take precedence. Then, I started to see myself differently. The ME in the mirror that I wanted to see started to appear.
I started to concentrate my attention on my positive points. If I got a compliment on my hair style, or an outfit, I studied myself in the mirror and actually SAW what they saw. I reaffirmed the positive. It wasn’t actually self-talk, though. It was more of a reaffirming thought process. Self-thought, if you will.
I’m more of a visual learner, than a verbal learner. I now understand how the self-talk seemed silly to me. It would have been simply words that wouldn’t have stuck. However, self-thought does work! I visualize my positive points instead of verbalizing them. I find the features I like about myself, and admire them. I see myself smile and it reaffirms the positive. It gives me that extra boost. And I believe what I see.
Each day I look in the mirror it builds my self-confidence, and it shows outward. I carry myself differently. I am less awkward and more assured. I have stopped second guessing outfits and makeup. Whatever I wear, I walk around with intentional confidence in myself. I am positive I look nice. I smile more and I have joy in my heart.
If self-talk affirmation in the mirror seems silly or doesn’t work for you, try self-thought. To start, pick out 5 things about yourself that you like, or that others often compliment you on. Study them for just a few seconds, noticing their positive qualities. Each day, affirm those qualities, and perhaps find one or two more. I’m to the point that I don’t count them anymore. I just try on a new outfit, and check it in the mirror, I admire my figure, quickly, then move on. I apply my makeup and smile at myself in affirmation, then start my next task. I do my hair, then check the back with my hand mirror, affirm it meet my standards, then head out for the day. Don’t spend too much time looking in the mirror. It’s not about vanity, nor over examining. You can easily fall back into finding negative qualities. It’s simply a quick “That’s what I like about me” then taking that confidence with you through your day. Sometimes an extra booster may be needed on a more challenging day, after exercise, after work, or before heading out for the evening. It’s just like changing your outfit or touching up your makeup. You touch up your self-confidence.
Still feeling silly? Or unsure of where to start? Thy these ideas… Even if you dislike a feature, what DO you like about it? What are your three favorite things about your face? What do you like most about your hair? Smile at yourself in the mirror. Wink at yourself. If you feel silly, laugh! Make it fun! And build from there.
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